you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
