I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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