I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
This baby is an asshole
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
