I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
