So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
