i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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