I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
