i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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