So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
