Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
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