We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
