He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
