what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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