I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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