I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
