I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This house was built for laser tag.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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