Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
