hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
