New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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