if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
