I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
