He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
