i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
