Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
