the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
