Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
