Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
