Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
