roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just puked most of my soul out..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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