Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
