Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
