Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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