they need to just BURY HIM!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
