so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
