I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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