is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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