He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
