god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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