Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
