If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
