One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
