I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
