I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
babies were throwing up all over the place
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
ttyl tear gas
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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