we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
