Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
