i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
