Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
