Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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