If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
