as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She's like a pop up book from hell.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
