last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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