Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
